David Levithan once said, “Narcissism. You would not believe that I do not own a full-length mirror. “In reality, narcissism is seeking the legitimacy of being, as well as self-esteem. It is therefore easy to confuse narcissism and self-esteem. But there are incompatible differences between the two and we will dedicate this article to them.

Both narcissism and self-esteem seek, somehow, the legitimacy of being. So where is the difference? Why are they so easily swapped around? It is simple, while narcissism looks for legitimacy through a good image, self-esteem does so by a simple, unconditional existence.

Differences between narcissism and self-esteem

From the above justification, it is clear that narcissism and self-esteem are opposites in their motivations and the forms they create. Let us first consider two psychologists who have worked on this confusion – Pilar Mallor and Manuel Villegas.

In their research, we find clear differences between narcissism and self-esteem, despite the existence of behaviors that may at first seem similar. How do we distinguish between these types of behaviors? Read on…

The narcissist has an exaggerated perception of himself

The main difference between a narcissistic person and one who has a high self-esteem is self-image. Narcissists have an exaggerated and distorted sense of significance. Those with good self-esteem, on the other hand, experience inner satisfaction that is less inflated but more legitimate.

The narcissist seeks welfare and security through an exaggerated self-image, which is in fact a distorted self-perception. They show a real internal vacuum in which an insecure person hides.

On the other hand, a person with high self-esteem bases their well-being on satisfactory conditions. They do not give much importance to their self-image. Being confident does not mean having to exaggerate or highlight successes in front of others, but just enjoy celebrating them.

“Don’t you think it’s weird when someone has pictures of themselves everywhere? It is as if they are trying to prove that they exist. “

– Candace Bushnell

Self-confidence against the need for attention

A person with high self-esteem is confident. They know how to listen and choose when to talk. They do this with knowledge and always add value to the conversation. They have emotional and social intelligence. In addition, they are patient and they know that when their turn comes, they will have a valid meaning.

The narcissist, however, demands attention, given their exaggerated worship of their self-image. They will always try to be in focus. Center of the party. Let everyone know they are there. They need constant worship from others.

Empathy

Beyond the previous point , one way narcissists and confident people are different is their ability to be empathetic. A person with a healthy self-esteem can develop through patience and empathy that are essential for active listening.

While a narcissist only thinks of himself and their image. Therefore, a person with a healthy self-esteem is better able to connect with others. By not having the crucial need to please, you can focus on putting yourself in the “shoes” of others. This will make it easier for you to understand different views, ideologies and feelings.

Selfishness and cooperation

Another key with which we can differentiate a narcissist from a person with a healthy self-esteem is selfishness. It is easy to believe that a person who thinks only of himself is full of self-love. In fact, this person is so full of self-confidence that they are their own worst enemy.

While a person with high self-esteem knows when and how to show generosity and is cooperative, the narcissist is not capable of this. If they do not benefit them, it is difficult for them to make an effort.

“What makes the pain of jealousy so acute is that vanity can help nothing but support it.”

-Stendhal

Arrogance towards compassion

Arrogance is also a difference between narcissistic people and people with a healthy self-esteem. While the former does not show compassion for anyone, except perhaps for themselves, people with self-esteem truly love others and have a sense of worth. They appreciate the beautiful challenge of helping others.

Thus, in their arrogance, the narcissist is usually aggressive, envious, and needs to dominate others in order to feel good. They cannot accept criticism, and even if it is neutral, there will be a tendency to take it personally. They will not learn from their mistakes because they have great difficulty seeing them and above all accept them.

A narcissistic person and a person with a healthy self-esteem may seem very similar at first glance. But as time goes on, we can clearly see the differences between the two personalities.