Is The Choice Of A Partner An Unconscious Decision?

Having experiences in life is as satisfying as being loved by your partner. In turn, the lack of love can result in large amounts of pain. This lack of love can even be the root of mental problems. Therefore, choosing a partner is an important decision.

In the beginning of a relationship, you can hardly control your emotions. Life suddenly takes on a special meaning. You have the motivation and confidence to overcome everything life throws at you. But after a long time with your partner, conflicts arise. You begin to become aware of the choice of a partner that you have made.

“Love is not looking at each other, but looking in the same direction”

–  Antoine de Saint-Exupéry 

The choice of a partner is apparently a spontaneous process. But, after some time, you start to wonder if you were really aware of everything when you made the decision. No one will make a mistake in choosing a partner. For people often end up being disappointed when they think they have found the ideal partner.

Idealization of your partner

It is safe to say that in most cases of choosing a partner, people get many idealized expectations around them, without realizing it. Including those associated with pleasure and well-being. But people often overlook the less romantic aspects, such as the differences between each other, the obligations that come with the relationship and the strategies one needs to solve problems in the relationship.

Deep down, due to unconscious mechanisms, you hope that person will satisfy your needs.  You put your needs and desires on them and expect them to solve these problems for you. Of course, everyone denies this, but everyone does.

We could make a comprehensive list of what people are looking for in choosing a partner. We want them to be responsible, hardworking, kind, healthy, respectful, tolerant, supportive and attractive. We could continue from there, but these are good examples. S the question is, why do we make mistakes with our decisions if these things are so obvious to us?

The mental context is important

It is important to consider the context and thoughts you had in mind when making the choice of a partner.  Individuals who are less emotionally intelligent tend to exaggerate the other person’s virtues. This will lead to an emotional risk. This attitude comes from poorly channeled needs and an intolerance of being lonely. This means that the attempt to create a bond with the other person has failed from the start.

In general, the process of choosing a partner has its roots in a series of unconscious emotions derived from the relationship with our parents, especially during childhood, and also their relationship with each other. This determines our mental structure and functionality for the rest of our lives.

Our whole life is shaped by the first bonds we form.  Parents who encourage their children to develop the ability to think, persevere and learn have more emotionally healthy children.

Opposite – children who are brought up where parents hold them back or set boundaries for their search for knowledge, curiosity and creativity, form bonds that are based on fear, lies, jealousy and hatred in adulthood. What type of parents did you have? How was their relationship with each other? Answering these questions can give you a better idea of ​​the choice of a partner in your case.

The influence of experience on the choice of a partner

It is worth pointing out that in the present, new forms of relationships and love are being formed. However, tendencies do not exist in the unconscious. In humans, the survival instinct takes control of everything else. It seeks desire and unites. It produces life and provides the conditions for creating and building.

With life experience, the past always becomes the present, regardless of the unconscious. Reflected in our experience is also the fact that people always form bonds based on the attachment they had to their parents since birth.

These conditions are also affected by how intense the experience is, and the kind of instincts, both around life and death, that dominate in each person.

This combination of different relationships will determine who you feel attracted to. The better you understand your relationship from the first years of your life, the healthier your current relationship will be.