Excessive Kindness: Another Way To Sabotage Oneself

In life, we meet all kinds of people. Some of them encourage us to move on in life with their kindness and help. On the other hand, there are others who make it harder. It may be in cases of excessive kindness. Each of us chooses who should be close to us and who should be pushed away to avoid setbacks.

You have probably asked yourself why some people are always willing to help. And you have probably also asked yourself what motivates them to do so, even when you are not asking for help. These people are characterized by their kindness. They are always willing to lend a hand.

We might be inclined to believe that kindness is always good because it helps us feel comfortable and useful. But as with anything else, excessive kindness is something you should avoid. It turns into toxic kindness, a way of ignoring our own needs to help others.

Sometimes we are so kind to others that we forget ourselves and let everyone else trample on us. We believe in always being kind, and as a result, we begin to make ourselves invisible.

Excessive kindness: A way to make yourself invisible

Sometimes we give so much to others that we stop thinking about ourselves. Consider the typical situation where a mother does everything for the welfare of her children and cares so much about them that she forgets her own needs.

Now we are not saying that doing things for other people is wrong. But focusing on just doing this is actually bad for you. You will find that you only want to please everyone else, either because they are asking for your help or because you think they need it. Therefore, you are committed to helping them get better, and even at all costs.

Whether you believe it or not, too much kindness can be awkward and uncomfortable because you are not allowing the other person to do what they want by always being there to help them. You can focus so much on what they need so that you end up ignoring what you need.

In this way, you help to make yourself invisible through your own actions. Always being concerned about others is a way to put yourself at the back of the queue and ignore your own needs.

When your kindness makes it hard to say no to others

It may also be that you value kindness too much. Because you think you have to be kind, you do not set boundaries and say yes to every little request. And of course, you are willing to do anything to be a good person.

What’s wrong with this? If you do things that do not pose a problem for you, then of course there is nothing wrong. But imagine that just because you want to be kind, you have to go through an unpleasant situation. Do you want to be willing to feel comfortable just to be kind?

Many times we fall into this trap and think that we must accept everything we are asked to do, that we must please others so that they like us better. But what about ourselves? There is nothing good about extremes. You can show kindness while still maintaining your own boundaries.

Disadvantages of excessive kindness

Toxic kindness comes with many obstacles. Reflect on the following disadvantages of being too kind so that you do not neglect yourself towards others:

• Uncertainty.
• Low self-esteem.
• Less self-awareness.

• Less authentic relationships.
• To feel guilty.
• Several relationships where you are dependent on each other.
• Increased anxiety.
• Need for recognition.

These are just some of the drawbacks of toxic kindness. It is a vicious circle in which we neglect ourselves. We feel we are not worthy, and establish relationships where we always expect the other person to need something. So when the other person is not there, we do not know what to do. And when we are alone with ourselves, life begins to become difficult.

Strategies to help yourself avoid excessive kindness

While excessive kindness can become a part of ourselves, there are things we can do to start being kind in a healthier way. By changing this aspect, we will value ourselves as we deserve, and have more authentic relationships.

• Set boundaries. Let people know what your boundaries are. Tell them the things you do not like, the things you will not be willing to do, what makes you uncomfortable with fashion, etc. By doing this, they know what they may or may not ask you to do.
• Try to avoid feeling guilty. Sometimes you have to say no. Stop feeling guilty about not doing someone a favor, or about not being there for them all the time. You do not have to, and that does not mean you are not kind.
• Make a list of your priorities. You can be there for others without neglecting yourself. Organize your priorities and decide which ones come first. By doing this, you know how much time you have available to others.

• Be more self-aware. Learn more about yourself and what you want so that it is easier to set boundaries. You understand your feelings, thoughts, and why it is so hard for you to put yourself first in a better way.

As you can see, it’s all about focusing a little more attention on yourself. It’s not that hard. After all, if you show kindness to others, you can do the same with yourself. Do not forget that kindness is important, but only in the right amount.

When kindness becomes negative

The price of excessive kindness to others is that you leave yourself behind. Being kind in the right way means you can trust and appreciate yourself.

In addition, keep in mind that even if your intentions are good, some people may take advantage of excessive kindness. They know they are getting what they want from you because you never say no to them.

Focus on yourself, know your priorities and set some boundaries. You have the right to decide what is best for you!