The Importance Of Power Struggles In Relationships

The classic saying goes something like “silence before the storm”. But what happens if the storm represents the excitement that usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship? Well, in that case, the adventure is over and the hormones make room for conflict and power struggles in relationships.

But it does not have to be that way. According to Costa Rica psychologist Marialena Esquivel, power struggles can be healthy in relationships. As long as both parties are aware of it, know about the triggers of it and do not let the snowballs roll big and out of control.

The goal is to find stability and security that allows us to find our independence (or at least part of it.) It is an important time and the way one copes with it determines a lot in the future of the relationship.

There will always be times of power struggles in relationships. How mature the relationship is will determine how far they can get through it. This and how much each person gives themselves at the peak of their infatuation. If both people have the right tools at hand, this emotionally charged war will not be too grueling.

Clashes of the inner forces are nevertheless something that takes place on many levels. It is an internal need that all individuals have in a relationship: Self-affirmation. Some self-centeredness takes place. If you are not clear and aware of this, it can lead to accusations in both directions.

It is important to recognize this dynamic, no matter how it unfolds. That way, you can avoid blaming the other person for all the problems in the relationship. In the long run, you will be able to minimize power struggles in relationships and maintain the foundation of your relationship.

How do you detect the symptoms of power struggles in relationships?

Just because you are able to identify power struggles in relationships, does not mean you are able to resolve them. But that is the first step. So take a look at your relationship and see if you can recognize any of these symptoms:

• Look and see if you both will be right. Notice if you stick to your idea so much that you stop listening and refuse to see things from a different perspective.
• Make sure you do not focus solely on your own interests and reduce your partners’ interest to a lower level. Remember that you are a team.

• Man is not perfect, so sometimes we do things right and other times we also make mistakes. Do not focus too much on the other person’s mistakes and also forget your own.
• Finally, we must say that the perfect pair does not exist. In other words, your partner is not a wonderful person who has suddenly turned into a monster. Do not let your current disagreements lead you to idealize the past and demonize the present.

Can one turn an intense power struggle?

The answer is clearly yes. In general, power struggles in relationships are provoked by emotion, insecurity or inferiority. But feeling underestimated does not mean we have to overcompensate by acting stronger. Here are some interesting exercises that can help in these situations.

• Try to be friends with your partner. Your partner is not just your love, but also teammate, friend, teammate. So before you get excited, try to be nice, tactful and honest. Imagine you are talking to a friend, not a rival or an enemy.
• Forget about winning. Your relationship is not a battleground. Look at the things you have in common, not the ones that are different for you.
• Fight for your relationship, not so much for yourself. If you take good care of the other, you also take good care of yourself at the same time.
• Physical contact is important. It is intimate communication. It is also a source of infinite joy if you just have a little imagination.
• Ask about the other person’s opinions. Look for joy in your partner by nurturing the relationship. Release your fear of being rejected.

If we use these exercises, power struggles in relationships will not hurt us. They will demonstrate that this phenomenon can actually be positive for a relationship. The result will be that each person will feel valued and secure.