Being Automatically Suspicious Of Some People

It happens. We are suspicious of someone without knowing them well. It is like an inner voice whispering, “get away” like a cold wind that pushes us in the opposite direction, guided by a natural instinct and puts us on guard.

This kind of feeling caresses the surface of our mind, almost like a chilled finger scratching our backs. It is not something supernatural. It is not precognition. Nor is it a “radar” of wisdom in our genes that we have from our ancestors. In reality, it is simply a survival mechanism.

Being suspicious of everything and everyone for fear of making a mistake again prevents us from living life to the fullest.

It is clear, however, that our internal voice sometimes fails us, that first impressions are not always right, and there are those who sin excessively by relying on their supposed instinct. Now, if there is one thing that our brain is preparing for, it is anticipating risks. Because of this we are able to avoid physical and mental dangers, it increases the subtle echo rooted in our subconscious that tells us something simple: “go”.

You remind me of someone who hurt me

Elena is 32 years old. She and her husband go with their son to a pediatric cardiologist. Her son is 5 years old and suffers from a heart disease that requires quarterly examinations. At the entrance to the room, the new doctor shakes their hand and begins to get to know the child.

Elena quickly feels something strange when she sees the doctor up close . There’s something about him that she does not like. His way of smiling makes her feel uncomfortable, the fake and insidious laugh. She also does not like the way he jokes with her son. Or how he moves, breathes and even the way he combs his hair: licked back.

During the 20-minute visit, this mother hardly listened to what the doctor said to them: she did not need to. So much so that as soon as they leave, she tells her husband that they immediately change doctors. This visit will be repeated, but with a different person, a different cardiologist.

When her husband asks her why, she simply says “he does not seem credible”. He says nothing else. He trusts her opinion and goes in to find another doctor. However, Elena keeps the real cause to herself. This woman hides a small piece of her life she does not dare reveal to him…

When she was 9 years old, Elena’s parents separated. She lived with her mother and her mother’s boyfriend. Two months after they had moved in together, that man with a fake smile and candy hair started abusing them. After about a year, her mother stopped leaving the house. It was a dark nightmare with the taste of tears that she would not remember, which only ended when she told her teachers at school everything she went through.

We are suspicious because our amygdala continues to regulate our behavior

It is very likely that the pediatric cardiologist they saw was an impeccable professional and a unique person. But this woman’s brain identified him as an enemy, due to a traumatic experience she was experiencing. What we reject, everything we avoid, and what makes us uncomfortable, say a lot about us: it defines us.

Our life journey integrates relentlessly into our subconscious and into the brain structures associated with emotional memory, for example in the hippocampus. But humans have a region in their brain that regulates every single one of our quick decisions : the amygdala.

All of these “visceral” reactions that we experience in our lives and that cause us to show behavior of escape or avoidance are regulated by this gland located in the deepest part of our temporal forehead . The actions we take from it are not rational and are simply an engine response that is irreconcilable and automatic: survival instinct.

Should we listen to the inner voice asking us to run away or be suspicious?

Something that psychotherapists know well is that the person who does not allow himself to be kidnapped by force in the amygdala is a person who has developed sufficient self-control not to live in fear. Does this mean that we should not listen to the inner voice that occasionally warns us to be suspicious of something or someone?

“The only really valuable thing is intuition.”
–Albert Einstein

The following are facts you can reflect on:

• Daniel Goleman explains in “Brain and Emotional Intelligence ” that every natural reaction in which we experience fear or anxiety is regulated by the amygdala. Ignoring that feeling or silence is not recommended. Nor is it recommended to let ourselves be guided viscerally by it.

• The right thing to do is to take that voice seriously e. All studies related to the sixth sense tell us that people who listen to their gut feelings or emotions sent directly from their unconsciousness or from the primitive structures like the amygdala to give them the right answers.
• There is a concrete reason for this:  Listening does not mean obeying, but rather starting a proper analysis and reflection.

If we do not like someone, it is due to a number of concrete reasons, and these reasons are related to us. Maybe it’s because they remind us of someone we knew in the past and they follow the same pattern, or maybe it’s because their values ​​are not in harmony with ours, or maybe because our experiences have taught us to know who who is credible and who is not. That is why we become suspicious.

All we have to do is not allow ourselves to be taken aback by fear, for mistrust will continue. All intelligent reactions have the amazing opposite of intuition and reflection.

Do we put them into practice?