Forget It Or Learn To Live With It

Can we really forget what has hurt us? Do we forget, or do we just put it somewhere else so we can live without pain? Oblivion may not be a matter of will, but that does not mean we cannot help our memory and learn to live with what hurt us.

We have all been in situations, relationships and times that made us happy. But it always happens that that happiness ends. Someone disappears from our lives, love runs out or too much distance hits us . What can we do to stop these memories from hurting?

Perhaps the first thing we need to keep in mind is that forgetting “cold turkey” does not work. The louder we shout about not wanting a certain memory, the more it will be in our thoughts again and again. The memory is there and it will always be there. It may change shape, but it will still be present . It would be helpful to learn to live with it without causing pain.

Something that is within our power is to give a new value to this mindset. We can incorporate it into our life history without producing pain.

A useful internal dialogue is as follows: “ It made me happy, I learned everything that happened and I will remember the good times. If I try to forget it, it will be even more present in my mind and it will have more power to cause negative emotions. Everything that is a part of my past is now a part of my story, and that is why forgetting or deleting is not something I bother to waste time on. “

Not talking about anything is not the same as forgetting

As hard as we mentally try to push things away that have caused us pain, we will probably not be able to do it. Not talking about pain, shutting ourselves off from new people, interrupting communication with someone because we have an angry feeling or not forgiving a mistake: none of it is the same as forgetting.

Putting harmful topics behind us is also not the same as forgetting. It is simply not to express them in a healthy way. Unfortunately, they are still there. Packing them away just means we store our memories in a place that is not safe. If we bump into them, they will still hurt.

When we forget it, it does not hurt. We cannot remember and we cannot experience what we felt in that moment. But it does not push anything aside. It completely erases it. This is an impossible task. We do not have a button in our mind that sends memories we do not want in the trash.

Instead, we must try hard to do what is actually in our power to do. What we can do is reflect on the value of our memories, how we will store it, what keeps us hurt and why.

You have the ability to process your experiences and not let them take control of you. We are more than our memories; we are the ones who make sense of our memory. We are more than the sum of our thoughts because we are the ones who give them form.

Now it’s there, but it does not hurt, because I have learned to live with it

When we reflect and process, the memory will be with us. We will remember our time with our grandparents, our first love, how we played with our friends, excursions to other cities, hot summer nights… These memories are still there with me, removed by the association with negative memories. On their own, they are even more meaningful.

It does not hurt anymore. We have learned that trying to forget “cold turkey” only causes frustration. I will not forget the good things, just the parts that hurt me. This is a process that requires intelligence, time and patience.

On the other hand , the reason that hurt is that it happened and we felt it. It hurts because we live. Let’s not push it out of our minds. How about giving it a new meaning and a new place. Let it be, but strip it of its meaning, and let it not take more from us. Make it a part of your story… In a new way, by living with it.