Using Humor As A Defense Mechanism In Difficult Situations

One can often use humor as a defense mechanism in pressured or difficult situations that most of us go through. Although it does not work that way. It brings color to the dark, puts a smile on our face in the difficult times and can be contagious. Sounds like the perfect cure, right?

Defense mechanisms are strategies we use to confront unpleasant internal or external situations. It’s a bit like their power consists in diminishing the “evil” monster that has come to stay. It can be a grief that comes from having lost someone you care about, anger from a recent breakup with your boyfriend or a disease diagnosis…

Our defense works against stress in trying to make it smaller and more harmless…  Not so scary or unknown. Sometimes these defense mechanisms can make you forget your ailment or help you move around on what is creating it in your life. The bubble of fresh air that humor gives to your inner world is so large that it could even seem as if you are feeling well and nothing can bother you.

Humor as a defense mechanism helps you get away from the unpleasant reality

You have probably met someone who talks about serious or important things with a smile on his face. It’s the kind of smile that turns into a small, nervous giggle that leads to an outburst of laughter. But there is something that does not quite fit here… While listening to the person, you can not help but think that something is wrong.

How can they tell you something that you think is important / serious to them, and then laugh? If you stop and think about it, there are a lot of people who laugh when they talk about something that is not really funny. It’s the kind of laughter that you can feel is not sincere… It seems more as if the soul is shouting because it does not know how to express itself in other ways. It is not like the real laughter that comes from a happy soul. It’s more a kind of laughter that seems to be a mixture of many things.

We usually notice a disconnection in what and how a person tells us something. It helps us figure out how serious the problem really is. There are people who do not want to go much deeper. They stick to the laughter overall. “Well, if the person laughs, it’s enough, because it does not affect them! I’m sure they are fine. ” But the truth is, something is wrong. It’s because something’s wrong when what we say does not match the way we say it.

The hard part of trying to be listened to and accepted, not rejected

This is where humor as a defense mechanism plays its role against the reality that is hard to accept. Humor as a defense mechanism warms us up. Many times it can be a pleasant conditioner that helps us adapt to a lot of social situations. The problem is, like everything else, when it becomes the only way to confront a situation. “Defending oneself” against it, fighting against it. Do not accept it or take it as it is.

There are certain kinds of realities that are really nauseating. And if one is to accept them, it comes with a profound inner change. The best way to get away from them is by denying them. You push them away in your consciousness or minimize them… You make them so small that they almost no longer exist. If there is something you do not confront, as uncomfortable as it may be, it means that you are moving away from who you really are. 

Both pleasure and discomfort are a part of life. You can not get away from it. The “cure” does not come from denying things that make you feel bad about fashion. The cure comes from accepting… In that sense, if you want to accept something, you have to look into yourself and start by respecting whatever you find in there. When you do not respect one of the experiences you have been through and turn it into a caricature until it completely dissolves, then it will help that the other person does not take you seriously.

If you do not take yourself seriously, you are telling others not to do it either

You can “teach” the other person to respect you or not respect you. The less you respect what you feel and choose humor as a defense mechanism to move you away from YOUR reality, the harder it will be for the other person to respect your closest experiences. You show them that they can laugh and not take you seriously. That what you are talking about is not important. Because it “does not bother you”. But it DOES it. And it’s so painful or uncomfortable that your first reaction is to push it away.

“Everything has its precautions. Like all situations have their root. Laughter has its own place, just as tears do. Smiles have their moments, just as seriousness has its own. ”

– Al-Jâhiz –

Therefore, it is also important for the person listening  to identify these contradictory signs about how they feel –  what they tell and how they tell it… This is a contradiction that will give a hint about how to can help a person who is better off feeling bad.

Sometimes the easiest thing is to just listen to what they are really trying to tell, without getting lost in the masks and caricatures. The person probably wants to be listened to without being judged. They just need to hear “it’s okay if you are not okay. And you can talk to me about it if you need to. ”