Motherhood: An Earthquake For The Soul
We now know a lot about what it means to be a mother. But few probably take a very realistic approach to the crisis that motherhood causes for many women. Laura Gutman addresses the topic in her book “Motherhood, coming face to face with our own shadow “. The psychotherapist explains how women come into contact with their “shadows” when they become mothers.
What do we call “shadows” in motherhood?
The term “shadow” was used and erased by Carl Jung. This concept encompasses more than just Freud’s famous “unconsciousness.” It refers to the unknown parts of our psyche and spiritual world.
The whole universe consists of opposites: day and night, masculine and feminine, positive and negative, light and dark. Our mental world is also formed out of light and dark parts. We do not see what is in the dark, but that does not mean it does not exist.
Our “shadows” begin to develop in childhood. When we are small, we begin to build our personality and our ego. Sometimes there are painful feelings and events that we can not sense emotionally and instead decide to forget. We “turn our backs” to continue on the path of life. These unresolved and sometimes unconscious areas are our “shadows”.
“We must all look at the dark side of our nature – this is where the energy is, the passion. People are afraid of it because it has pieces of us we are busy denying. “
–Sue Grafton–
What happens to women when motherhood begins?
Regardless of our age, the child we were still lives inside us. Sometimes our inner child is there to help us enjoy ourselves, to have fun . Other times, it connects us to the most vulnerable part of ourselves, our most primary fears, our memories and perhaps things we were missing.
Motherhood shakes us and reveals all our emotional shortcomings and wounds. Motherhood brings back the experiences we had with our mother and father, with the people who raised us and nurtured us emotionally . It brings back our most emotional memories from our childhood. These memories, perhaps painful memories, had been buried… Until now.
During pregnancy, your childhood memory wakes up. Old conflicts come back, wounds reopen. And all this emotional outburst comes along with the physiological and hormonal changes in pregnancy.
In these cases, it is normal for women to feel confused or sad… And thus they go to the doctor. Often the doctor diagnoses the diagnosis “depression” or “postpartum depression”, which may or may not be correct.
This usually involves an automatic prescription for medication that blocks thoughts and emotions. We should keep in mind that medication can provide immediate relief, but if there is no psychological therapy, problems will just be buried and not corrected.
How to find the path to healing?
The truth is that many hidden areas of the female psyche are activated and revealed in motherhood. It is usually a time of revelation, crisis… It is a process where therapy and other forms of support can really help.
Making the unconscious conscious causes us to grow and mature. Making the pain conscious and bringing it to light is the way we cure it. That way, it does not turn on us when we are weak.
Getting our self-love back is also a necessary part of the healing of emotional wounds that have been there, open and painful since childhood. We talk about finding and healing our inner child.
This is how we correct harmful compensatory behaviors by making ourselves whole again. Healing is possible. A healthier, more balanced and happier life – and motherhood – is possible.
“This is the task of every human being: to walk through earthly life in search of his own shadow, to bring it to light and to walk the true path to healing.”
-Laura Gutman-
