It Is Not Selfish To Think Of Oneself

Many times when one stops to think of oneself, others reject one as selfish. But what does it really mean to be selfish? Perhaps we are using this adjective incorrectly and, most of all, unfairly. We need to reflect on this word, its consequences, and how we can take time out tilos ourselves, without feeling guilty.

“An egoist is a person who insists on talking about himself when you long to talk about yourself.”
–Jean Cocteau–

Being selfish means thinking of oneself 100% of the time, but without taking others into account

First of all, to understand what it means to be a selfish person, let’s resort to the dictionary. Selfishness is when a person has too high a view of themselves and it makes them disproportionately aware of their own interests over others.

We all have our own values ​​and beliefs that are reasonably firm and allow us to interpret the world and give it meaning. This is where our ideas begin. Therefore, it is not uncommon for each person to use the word “selfishness” based on their experiences and how they understand the world. In other words, each person has a different concept of what selfishness means.

For some, being selfish may mean that they have never done anything for others. Maybe you are thinking of someone who refused to do you a favor because they “did not have time” since you had always been there for them. In the first case, the definition may be correct. But is it also in our more specific second case?

How do we feel when someone calls us selfishly from an interaction, without taking into account everything we have done for them? We feel confused and angry. We know it’s unfair. Before we move on to this article, let’s make it clear: If we did not do something for someone when they asked us to, it does not necessarily mean that we are selfish.

“There is no true happiness in selfishness.”
–George Sand–

We cannot change the way others interpret the world

Here is a very common situation: someone asks us to do something for them and we can not give them what they need when they ask. Then that person calls us selfish, or at least they allude to it.

So we feel terrible, not only because they have just made a negative judgment about us, but also because we are at a crossroads of interests where our interests have proven to be least important. Who acts selfishly then? Who thinks only of themselves and not the rights we all have as human beings?

Here’s a truth: We do not have enough resources to try to change a person’s mentality, and do not do it successfully at all. That is, if someone interprets our actions as selfish, without making an effort to understand our relationship, we must ask ourselves two questions:

• Do we empathize with their problem?
• Despite not being able to do what they wanted when they wanted it, have we offered an alternative?

If both answers are yes, always remember this fundamental right: to reject a request without feeling guilty about it. In addition, it is good to keep in mind that we make a big mistake when we judge others based on a behavior and not their personality. For example, someone may act petty and not be evil, or fall without being clumsy.

An example of how you can think for yourself and not be selfish

To understand it better, let’s give an example: imagine you get up at the same time every day for weeks. You do everything you need to do. At the end of the day, you have fulfilled all your work obligations.

Now imagine that one day you sleep over yourself for fifteen minutes. Imagine for a second you were transposed into the karmic driven world of Earl.

Are you an irresponsible person? Do you lack self-discipline? No, you just had a bad day and may have acted in an undisciplined or irresponsible way – one day.

That you have acted like this does not make you a person with these qualities. In fact, even though you’ve shopped so often in the past, you can no longer be that kind of person. The past is not always a good prediction for the present or the future.

We must distinguish between action and existence. It is not the same to be an unjust person and to act unfairly. Let us analyze the behavior and not the people.

Take advantage of the winds that blow in your favor, but do not let the wind rule

Do you often feel that you do not have time for yourself? Do things sometimes happen that take all your attention and divert attention from your goals? Do you give yourself to other people too often? You need to learn to reserve some space for yourself. Thinking of yourself.

F n order to do this, we learn two skills. They go hand in hand and are fundamental to our health and happiness. It is learning to say no and to do so without feeling guilty.

It is true that this is a complex, nuanced subject. Therefore, we can not provide comprehensive rules on how to do it. We just need to emphasize the importance of working on it.

If you are one of those people who has always been there for others and has forgotten yourself, you should know these things:

• Change is a process. Changing habits takes time, patience and effort. Usually, our habits are intertwined. Changing one involves modifying elements of the entire chain. Eg. a more polite attitude will mean changes in how we talk and when we keep quiet.
• People around us may not understand the change. If those around us have gotten used to us saying yes, they may be surprised the first time you reject them. Maybe they will even accuse you or say that you have become selfish. At this point, you should not lose the idea you want for yourself. There will always be resistance in the face of change, especially if this change affects the comfort of others.
• Always analyze the subject objectively. If the request is not urgent or does not necessarily require your presence. If you empathize with the problem and have provided an alternative that is more compatible with your goals but still helps the other person, you have no reason to feel guilty.

In short , you can think for yourself and not be selfish if you know how to maintain a balance. If you really work on this part of yourself, instead of just focusing on the way selfishness is talked about, you will find a balance between giving time and energy to others and giving it to yourself.

“Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no definition of your life; define yourself. “
-Harvey Fierstein-