The Paradox Of Happiness: What Is It And How Does It Work?

‘Happiness’ is one of the most frequently used words in the world. In our culture today, it represents the ultimate endeavor of many people. But it was not always so. In the past, the greatest meaning of life was to live virtuously, to have children or to own a property. But in modern times, the paradox of happiness plays a major role.

The paradox of happiness is that almost everyone wants to be happy. But when people are asked what happiness is, they can hardly define it. If you take one step further and ask yourself why you want to be happy, the answer is probably unclear. One would think that the answer would be obvious since you would very much like to achieve this goal. But still…

If you would like to make this discussion even more complex, you can ask yourself a third question. How to achieve happiness? There are many answers to this question, which are based on each person’s beliefs. Perhaps professional success and a happy marriage would be some of the most common answers.

In short, it is the case that  almost all people strive for happiness in modern times, but most of them do not know what it is or why they want it. In addition, they probably have only a vague idea of ​​what they need to do to achieve it. This is the paradox of happiness.

The paradox of happiness and dissatisfaction

Dr. Iris B. Mauss, a professor at the University of Denver, led two studies to find out how people deal with the topic of happiness. The results of these studies are really disturbing and they tell us a lot about what the paradox of happiness is.

In the first study, they analyzed three aspects:

• How important each person felt that happiness was to them.
• The person’s external environment and their living situation. That is, their social and professional status, satisfaction of their basic needs, etc.
• The relationship between beneficial external factors and the person’s inner sense of happiness.

The result was that people who assigned an enormously high value to their happiness felt less satisfied, even if they had an excellent living situation. Those who felt most satisfied were also those who did not consider the pursuit of happiness to be particularly important. That was the case even if their living situation was tougher. These conclusions show us the essence of the paradox of modern happiness.

Happiness and loneliness

The researchers conducted another, similar study at the University of Denver. They did not measure satisfaction, but rather loneliness  in this study. And in particular, they looked at how people who viewed happiness as very important or less important experienced loneliness.

The results of this study are similar to those of the first. People who chased happiness most diligently felt more alone. In contrast, those who assigned happiness less importance did not have that feeling. So they did not feel very lonely.

So now we can draw a conclusion. Those who are most busy chasing happiness also focus too much on themselves. The search for success and satisfaction breaks their connection with other people. This reinforces their sense of loneliness. Here again we can see the paradox of happiness.

The coordinates of happiness

From these studies we can draw some interesting conclusions. The first, and perhaps most important, is that external accomplishments and results are not a source of happiness in themselves. This is why many people only feel a moment of joy after achieving something they have been striving for for a long time. And afterwards, they may feel a malaise that causes them to set themselves a new goal. This creates an endless cycle.

So happiness is actually a process within us. It is a reality that has little to do with external results and circumstances. Perhaps many people are so desperately looking for happiness because they have a hidden desire to put an end to the “eternal” dissatisfaction they go and live with. They have not realized that the paradise they seek exists within themselves.

In addition, these studies tell us that the idealization of the concept of happiness only leads to frustration. Those who accept that happiness is just a part of life generally feel more satisfied. They understand that a permanent state of joy should not be the goal, because that is exactly what makes it disappear. It helps us to accept reality as it is and therefore we feel happier more often.

The vague concept we call happiness, that feeling of joy and satisfaction, is something we only experience once in a while. No matter what, we must decide  to be the best possible version of ourselves. Then happiness will come by itself.