Dear Daughter: You Do Not Have To Be A “good Girl “

Dear daughter, you do not have to be a good girl. You do not have to be a calm, obedient, sweet girl. Be who you want to be. Find your voice, learn to laugh out loud, run, see the stars, and know that you can reach them all…

Dear child, let no one tell you that you look ugly when you get angry. Let no one limit you and your dreams.

It may seem obvious and logical to you, but it’s something our culture has a hard time accepting. Here is a not so old example…

A Louvain cinema had an afternoon performance of “Wonder Woman” for women only. Countless girls showed up.

So this cinema decided to give small goodie bags to the visitors with the inscription:  “cool stuff inside.” It was a good plan and as expected, the cinema was filled up.

But the contents of the mysterious bag unfortunately became unforgettable for the completely wrong reasons. When the girls opened the bags, they found tea towels, window cleaners, diet pills and a cleaning brush. 

The news amazed the world and drew all sorts of comments and thoughtful criticism from near and far.

We know that reality all too well. But it should also be said that there is  another hidden reality. Hengemt and almost impossible to pick up. 

We do not see it so easily as we, without realizing it, incorporate it into our language. It lies hidden in the way we talk to girls and boys and force them into cultural molds.

A good girl, a quiet girl

A good girl stays silent in the corner. She notices everything around her, but in discreet silence. But in her imagination, the peaceful girl escapes her own little private world. She embarks on secret and wild adventures.

The adults praise her for her beautiful hair, her dress and her attentive gaze. “Where is she well behaved,” they  say to her parents  without speaking to the girl herself. They never ask her what she feels passion for, what she does not like. What she reads and what dreams she has. 

We barely notice it, but we are evaluated and felt from our very first day in this world. Unfair language is incorporated into our brains all from the age of nine months. 

This may seem quite young, but as the “theory of the mind” explains to us, this is the period when the child begins to integrate social behavior. Little by little, the child imitates and interprets the behavior of the adults.

If, from a very young age, we already reinforce passivity, obedience, silence, and the value of appearance in girls, then we shape their natural abilities according to what we want them to be.

That is why more psychologists and educators like Alfonso Montuori  want us to educate without gender roles and to put children in boxes. They believe that we must provide humanity with an enriching education. The inner goodness of children must be cultivated,  as well as the value of self-awareness and curiosity to learn.

Dear son, you do not have to be “strong”

We’ve talked about the “good girl.” Now it’s time to remember the many boys who are now adults and who were brought up with a focus on self-control. Emotions and sensitivity were corrected, as were the crooked teeth that had to be corrected with braces.

Tears, on the other hand, are for girls, and therefore it is better to hold them back if you were born as a boy. You have to be strong, you have to be able to handle everything and never fail.

Here in the boys’ world, there are also big problems. In fact, a study was recently published which demonstrated something all parents and teachers should consider. Boys ‘brains are much more sensitive  and have lower resistance to stress than girls’ brains.

Therefore, it needs a upbringing with great emotional support, security and protection.

Be careful how you treat children

All of this should make us  think a little more about the little actions we “get” to perform when dealing with children in everyday life. 

Things like,  “you have to be a good girl,”  or  “boys don’t cry” have long-term consequences.

But there are now professionals in personal growth who train women to become leaders in various areas of social, political and economic life.

They have noticed that women who strive for high positions in politics or the business world perceive themselves as “selfish” people in the beginning.

To break this thought pattern to show them  that fighting for what one wants is not selfish, but rather a right… This is undoubtedly the hardest part. 

Being “good” does not mean being calm or conformist. To be “good” really means to be brave and go for what you want. Whether you are a man or a woman.