Jealousy And Passive-aggressive Behavior
The urge to possess and control should not be part of loving another person. However, jealousy can often trigger the passive-aggressive behavior in a relationship, which can lead to alertness, mistrust and even extortion.
Jealousy and passive-aggressive behavior often go hand in hand. From a psychological point of view, these feelings are very complex and can be devastating to a relationship. Other factors such as the fear of being abandoned, humiliation and of course anger come into play in these cases.
Jealousy, as you know, affects all people of all ages, cultures and genders, and it can lead to dangerous and destructive situations.
One thing that stands out in Shakespeare’s pieces is the author’s ability to portray the entire kaleidoscope of human emotions. One of his most famous works is Othello, in which an in-depth exploration of jealousy takes place. In this classic tale, we have one of the most unique medieval villains of all time: Iago
Othello’s skilled but evil servant devises a plan to drive Othello insane by making him believe that his wife, Desdemona, was unfaithful to him. Iago symbolizes the possessive and dangerous inner voice that pours gasoline on the fire in a possible jealousy.
He perfectly represents the possessive and doubting mind. He is an echo and strengthens Othello’s jealousy, which ultimately leads him to death.
Iago must have been one of Shakespeare’s most important characters when you consider that he gave him almost 1100 lines in the play. It’s almost as much as Hamlet or Richard III for example.
As Michel de Montaigne said, experiencing jealousy is a disease of the mind and our worst enemy.
Jealousy and passive-aggressive behavior
Jealousy and passive-aggressive behavior almost always meet for a very specific reason. People who suffer from jealousy do not openly and directly express their jealousy.
In other words, people do not usually go to their better half and say that they feel influenced when talking to other people. Or that they are angry and hurt when their partner smiles at others and spends time with others.
Instead, the partner jumps into the passive-aggressive behavior. Instead of expressing themselves clearly, they blame, manipulate, threaten and humiliate their boyfriend. Indirect punishment and silence are very common.
Aggressive behavior like this starts passively, but in some cases it can lead to a more active and harmful behavior.
Let’s dwell a little more on this.
Jealousy and alter ego
Iago and Othello are perfect representatives of an interesting aspect of jealousy, which manifests itself as an alter ego. It is as if there is an outer voice that convinces you of something and that kidnaps you. The things you can come up with under jealousy are usually not something that you indulge in at all.
This jealous outer voice nourishes your fear of being abandoned and deceived. It makes you suspicious and often makes you see dangers where there are none. Through the lens of jealousy, crazy ideas suddenly seem very sensible.
A study conducted by Dr. David DeSteno of the University of California shows that this voice symbolizes “I threatened.” It is the part of you that feels stepped on and it can trigger a passive-aggressive behavior.
Are jealousy and passive-aggressive behavior part of your genes?
Some theories speak of a genetic condition for this behavior. Jealousy and passive-aggressive behavior constitute a kind of dark logic that some psychologists and anthropologists believe should be found in our genes. This view argues that man is a result of evolution based on the fact that the strongest would survive and mate.
Social competition along with the fear of being deceived and ending up alone triggers a wide range of emotions and thoughts. The mind becomes super alert and possessive. Anger takes over. From here, you lean towards aggressive behavior and the risk that lies in it.
Is it possible to control it when one is jealous?
We can conclude that the key to controlling one’s jealousy lies in understanding a clear fact: Absolute and eternal fidelity does not exist. To love another means to trust them. It’s not about possessing. Healthy love excludes anger, control and surveillance.
But sometimes a person’s jealousy can become completely pathological, and their pain is linked to psychological delusions. In the case of pathological jealousy, the key is to get over the psychological therapy.
It is thus the answer to the question of whether one can control one’s jealousy, for it is very individual because each person is unique. Therefore, a treatment will also have to be planned individually.
The therapist may focus on calming the controlling behavior (such as checking your partner’s phone) or disabling the possessive way of thinking. It can also be important to promote a person’s individual self-confidence and eliminate the anxiety and fear of being abandoned.
The only thing all patients have in common is that they all have the will to change. They need to be aware that their jealousy prevents them from having a healthy relationship. While this may seem quite logical, it is still important to remind them.
