When One’s Family Affects Relationships

Dynamics in the family can have a decisive influence on your relationship. If you struggle with this, do not lose hope. Here are some tips on how to deal with your family during a conflict when family is affecting relationships.

If family affects relationships, it can complicate things a lot. You may find yourself in situations that you have not been prepared for and that you have not asked for yourself. Although we do not think about it this way when you choose your partner, you also choose the other person’s family. 

Dynamics within the family, conflicts and quarrels are quite common. The magazine, Psychology Today, has published a study that revealed that three out of four couples have significant problems with their in-laws. The study also showed that an alarming 60% of women have problems with the mother of their partner.

Cases where family affects relationships

In some ways, we come to think of the wonderful movie by Stanley Kramer, Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. In this film, a young woman decides to get engaged to a black man and takes him home so he can meet her parents.

How her parents take this situation is a good picture of how these kinds of conflicts can often look like. Parents often think that they have raised their children well and given them certain values, but which quite often show up in a completely different way when choosing their partner.

Parents often consider their children to be free people who are capable of making their own choices. But some consider them to be their personal projects that they can equip with their very own ideals. So when they start a relationship with someone, the parents are often disappointed.

Be like a lice between two nails: When your families reject your partner

There are many types of families. As Oscar Wilde said, there is nothing more closed and mysterious than the home where you can draw the curtains so no one knows what is going on there. Of course, some parents are emotionally stable and understand boundaries. They are extremely capable of having a respectable and healthy relationship with their children’s girlfriends.

But sometimes the opposite can also be the reality. Sometimes the dynamics of the family are toxic, controlling and even authoritarian. It is easy to start a relationship with someone and at the same time be completely unaware of the toxic dynamics in that person’s family.

The classic example is problems with mothers-in-law, but people often forget that there may be other issues as well. There can be rivalry between siblings, troublesome cousins, critical aunts and uncles, grandparents who stick their noses in everything, etc.

A family can be its very own universe with its own rules and dynamics. You may have conflicts with older relatives trying to trump their authority through, or with passive-aggressive mothers. Quarrels about children are quite common, as are quarrels about religion and politics.

You may get the feeling that your family does not approve of you and that you are not good enough. If such a thing occurs and begins to affect you, find a way to solve it without creating too much fuss. It can be a very difficult art.

What can you do if family affects relationships?

Some people choose the most extreme path. For example, they may let their partner choose between them or their family. Some families end up choosing side. Others choose silence and just let things happen.

They sometimes end up being a scapegoat who finds themselves in everything because they love their partner. Either way, sooner or later it will end in some kind of conflict.

While it can be very tempting to just freeze your partner’s family out, it rarely solves the problem. The good news is that there are better solutions. Here are some strategies that can help you:

• Stick to constant communication with your boyfriend. You need to let them know how you feel about what is happening. Avoid criticizing. Just try to express the truth of what is happening without belittling or slandering anyone.

• All families are different. It is important to distinguish between what is and what is not acceptable. There is a difference between being understanding and then letting oneself be abused.
• Find some arguments for your boundaries towards your boyfriend. You both need to have a clear idea of ​​what you are okay with and where you draw the line. Even if you and your partner agree on everything, you have to agree on some rules about the family so that you are all on the same page in the book.
• You should also let your family know what it is in their behavior that you find hurtful and hurtful. Is it the always critical mother-in-law, the intolerant brother, the controlling father? Be sure to practice assertive behavior and communicate your discomfort so they can understand what it is doing to you. Talk about alternative solutions that can help improve the quality of your relationship.

Dealing with problems can only strengthen your relationship

We can conclude that even though family sometimes affects your relationship, it is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes your in-laws can be wonderful and welcoming people who will always be there for you, even during a crisis.

If they are affecting your relationship in a bad way, then you need to talk to your partner about it. That way, you can both be on the same page in the book, and your partner can support you should any difficulty arise. If you deal with family problems in a mature and sensible way, your relationship will only be strengthened in the long run.

If your family is affecting your relationship, then the most important thing is that you find an agreement with your boyfriend about what to do in that situation.