Couples In The Summer – Together, But In A Good Way

Holidays are always a test for any couple in the summer. This is because you go from spending a few hours a day and weekends together, to being together 24 hours a day . Summer vacations require a little getting used to. They will either go well or not, depending on the characteristics of the couple and the psychological flexibility of both parties. Now we will explain why vacations affect couples so much, what are the main conflicts that couples go through in the summer, and how you can improve your relationship, by following a few simple ideas.

Do vacations affect a few more than they do other types of relationships?

Yes, the answer is definitely yes . Couples have certain characteristics that set them apart from other interpersonal relationships. These other kinds range from family to friends, or even colleagues. When it comes to relationships with family members, we see our relationship with these people as unconditional (no matter what happens, they are family). On the other hand, a couple is conditional (we stay together or not, depending on how things go).

For all these reasons, it is very common for people to be more patient with family members than with their partner. Too subconsciously , you are always aware that you chose your partner. Meanwhile, your family is a group of people that you are not allowed to choose. In general, we are more tolerant of the people in our immediate family unit (mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, etc.) than our partners, whom we demand more of.

How do vacations affect a couple in the summer?

Summer and the holidays give rise to some very important changes in your routine. During most of the year, you have schedules, routines, tasks (kids, work), and the relationship fades into the background. So you work more as a team than a couple, in a romantic sense.

When summer comes, the couple becomes the first priority, as this is where you have the most free time to spend together . Then being a couple becomes a priority. You spend more time and attention on it, which means you get moments of friction. And if you do not treat them properly, they can end up creating conflicts or problems.

Problem # 1: “It’s Like My Partner Annoys Me”

This problem comes up because you are so used to breathing in your own “fresh air” or worrying more about yourself and your obligations. But then you are “forced” to give up part of your personal time and space, to your partner. To put it another way, you do not spend much time with your partner during the year, due to your work, social life and children, if you have them . But during the summer holidays, you are in a situation where you have to spend a lot of time with your partner. You may not be used to that.

Even people who spend a lot of time together and work well together throughout the year have their own habits and interests. You can meet all your individual needs throughout the year. But during summer vacations, when you spend more time with your partner, you also need to look after their interests and needs. It is normal for you to experience discomfort with this. But you need to treat it the right way so that you will not see your partner as someone who “annoys you” because they will not let you do things “you always do.”

“When another person’s satisfaction or security becomes as important to one as his own satisfaction or security, then the state of love exists.”
–Harry S. Sullivan–

Problem # 2: “We do not take advantage of our vacation time, we do nothing”

There are couples in the summer who get mad at each other because they feel as if they are not taking advantage of their vacation time. They either stay home, go to a small town to see family. Or maybe they take a trip that just ends up being disappointing. In these cases, the conflict arises when both parties are waiting for the other person to plan their vacation time, or to take the initiative and suggest activities, walks or short excursions.

What sometimes happens in a couple in the summer is that one of them plays the role of the person who “suggests and leads.” This means that the other person “obeys and does not disturb.” This may be because one of the couple’s members has trouble suggesting leisure activities on vacations. So in the end, the other person handles suggestions and planning . Conflicts arise when the person who “suggests and leads” gets tired of being the one in charge. What happens is that all responsibility for taking advantage of vacation time lies with someone who does not know how to do it because they have never had to do it.

So both parties place all responsibility for utilizing vacation time on the other person. But because no one takes control of the situation (both for their own reasons), their vacation becomes a time of bitterness over what they do or do not do. Then comes the moment when you scream at the other person because you did not go somewhere because they did not mention it or suggested it. Or maybe one of you brought it up, but neither of you took the step to do it.

Problem # 3: “Suddenly I notice all the bad things”

It is normal for you to see attitudes and behaviors in your partner that you can and do not like. It is also normal to have certain expectations of how your partner should be. And the more time you spend with someone, the more common it is that all the “mistakes” you see in them will annoy you . So when you spend more time with your partner, you feel that what annoys you becomes even more annoying. And it is such that instead of developing tolerance or acceptance, you just become more receptive to it.

For example, it may annoy you that your partner is long overdue to get up in the morning. So when it happens on a vacation, you will feel a stronger aversion to it. This is because their habit can mean you do nothing in the morning, arrive late at places you want to see, or it can make you feel like your partner is slowing you down and you can not take full advantage of your vacation.

This is where the conflict really arises. This is when you put more emphasis on your partner’s qualities that you do not like than those you like . We all become more demanding towards other people when we are on vacation. Because it is something we wait for all year and invest time and money in.

Therefore, we have much less tolerance for frustration on vacation. It’s because we want everything to be perfect. We do not like setbacks that we would otherwise accept without blinking.

Is a crisis inevitable when you are on holiday with your partner?

Absolutely not. It is true that summer tests many couples. But the relationship must still be healthy and stable. So a couple in the summer can quarrel while on vacation because they spend more time with the other person, but that does not have to mean they are having a crisis.

The best way to avoid crisis for a couple in the summer is to work on yourself. It will help you maintain a better relationship. So now we are going to give you a few practical ideas to improve your relationship to make it grow.

3 ideas to keep conflicts down for couples in the summer

1. Try to look for the positive things you like about your partner and tell them so

It is very important for you to keep your 5 senses ready to pick up what you like best about your partner. As humans, we have a great tendency to bottle up and give more weight to the negative things than the positive ones. And you have to actively fight against the tendency to nurture the bond that connects you with your partner.

“Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.”
–Alfred Adler–

It is extremely important to let your partner know the things you like about them. It is very comforting for your partner to tell you what they like about you. When they tell you that you look good, it gives you a huge boost of positive energy that will make your best angles more shiny.

2. Practice good communication by using active listening, empathy and eye contact

Communication is the key factor when it comes to properly expressing disagreements with your partner. And it is a way for you to establish a strong and intimate relationship . For your communication to be effective, you need to use active listening, be empathetic and keep eye contact. Make sure the other person knows that you have all your senses focused on them.

Plan vacations and find a time where each of you can “be free” for a while

Being on vacation does not have to mean being together all the time . It is very healthy and positive for a couple to have some moments where each person gets some free space, without worrying about the other person. Knowing how to be alone is the best recipe for self-confidence and self-esteem that you can introduce into your relationship. Give yourself a moment of personal intimacy and solitude. It will help you connect with your emotions and personal needs.

Lastly, keep in mind that a relationship is a part of your life, you need to take care and cultivate your whole life. Summer will test your relationship. But if you have a solid relationship and there are more positive moments than negative ones, there is no reason why a quarrel should mean things are not going well or leading to a breakup.