Courage And Suffering Go Hand In Hand

Life is not always easy. In fact, it’s almost never simple, or at least it feels that way. We tend to hide most of our suffering from other people.  Only we know the specific location of our wounds and how fragile they make us. Only we can heal them by picking up all the broken pieces and getting stronger. Courage and suffering go hand in hand.

Going through an experience that destroys us inside is one of the hardest things we can try. But it is  also a possibility. It gives us a chance to step back and evaluate how we understand the world and eventually rebuild ourselves. The question then is, how do we do that?

The weight of the disorder

No one can hide from suffering. It is the strange guest who interrupts our lives from time to time, without warning or invitation. And even if we try to run from it or hide it in the darkest basement and pretend it’s not there, we can not stop it from affecting us. It exercises its power over us, even from the dark cellar where we have left it. And we may not notice its impact because the darkness makes it difficult to wait and identify its movements.

Some people hide their negative emotions with artificial smiles. Other people fill their days with activities so they do not have free time to think too much. Others lie to themselves and try to put a patch over their discomfort. We have all done something like this, whether it is something that happens infrequently or whether it has become a habit.

The problem is that  no matter what types of barriers we set up, suffering will reach the surface sooner or later. The consequences can be physical pain or emotional pain.

The origin of suffering

Suffering is a part of life, whether we like it or not. The danger lies in when it becomes so heavy and long-lasting, and takes so many forms that it becomes a lifestyle. It overshadows everything around us and goes from dark gray to almost black.

The fact is  that most of the suffering we feel (not all) develops from a painful experience. That’s when we can not stop living the loss of someone or something we love. We do not accept loss. Instead, we resist it and try to do things differently. When we do this, we make ourselves suffer without discovering it. This disorder is pain, but at the same time it is an escape from the rain that begins in the middle of our grief and goes through our bones with sadness.

The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the betrayal of a friend or being fired are some of the examples of  loss that cause suffering and pain. It feels as if someone has stabbed us directly in the heart. These are wounds that will never stop bleeding if we do not take care of them. They can turn into broken pieces that are difficult to reassemble.

A resilient dawn

While it is true that some people develop disorders or real problems that stem from their disorder, this is not usually what happens. Some may even  come out of their traumatic experience even stronger than before. These are experiences that can cause them pain but also help them grow. Somehow, they are able to benefit from the experience.

A study by Wortman and Silver confirms  that there are people who resist the beatings of life with unexpected strength. The reason is their amount of resilience. When one is resilient, one is able to maintain a balance and avoid being overly affected by the trauma and pain of one’s daily life.

This leads us to believe  that we are stronger than we think.  That even when our strength fails, there is a small ray of light left. It illuminates our path so we can pick up the broken parts and put and ourselves back together. This is the dawn of our resilience. It is the exact moment when our grief and the weight of our suffering make room for a healing power of our strength. It allows us to resist and recreate ourselves.

Instead of ignoring what we feel, we should accept it as a life lesson and go through it with open eyes.  It may take some getting used to. Like when we try to see in the dark. Even when life knocks us down and almost breaks us, the ability to feel strong helps to overcome what we are experiencing. With that, we can put our identity back together and pick up the broken pieces, one by one.

Resistance is one of the most beautiful abilities. This is something they should teach us all about in school. Learning to heal our wounds, treat them with love, and learn the best lessons we can from them. But how do we do that?

To pick up the pieces and rebuild ourselves

As we have seen,  it is possible to thrive after a storm. But it is not simple.  It is a complex and dynamic process. According to psychiatrist Boris Cyrulnikc, it does not only require personal development. It also requires the process of structuring a person’s own life story. There are some factors that we can develop to maximize and develop resilience and help us pick up the broken pieces, such as:

• Self-confidence and our ability to handle confrontation.
• To accept our feelings.
• To have a meaningful purpose in life.
• The belief that we can learn from negative experiences as well as positive ones.
• Having a support network.

Suffering makes us stronger

Calhoun and Tedeschi are two of the authors who have conducted the most research on post-traumatic growth. They point out that suffering and pain  change us,  not only on an individual level, but also in our relationship and philosophy of life.

Confronting painful experiences is frightening, but running from them only prolongs our suffering. Avoiding them causes them to mutate in a painful way. E gte against means that one continues in spite of fear. That means  we are moving forward. Even though our body is shaking and breaking inside.

In life, we need time to process our experiences and to be alone with our suffering. In these lonely moments we are able to understand it. We learn that the important thing is to keep going. Whether it is with small or large steps. The strongest person is not the one who never falls. But the one who can get up and keep walking made stronger by the fall.