Being good to oneself is better than being good to everyone else: it is health and well-being. It’s like the wisdom you gain from a long journey. Little by little, you let certain situations stay in the past and move forward easily, free from the heavy weights of the past. It is an awakening that allows you to live life more fully.

Although the theory is easy to understand and many personal development books are based on it, it is actually very difficult to practice. To understand it better, we give a small example.

Imagine looking out the window at something happening every morning at the same time. There’s your neighbor taking his little bonsai tree out to get some sunlight. He takes care of it with manic dedication: He prunes it, nurtures it, nourishes it… We could even say that he gives it love.

But you notice something else. Your neighbor has never seemed like a particularly happy man. He has a job he does not like and he tries to please everyone. His selfless need to please has made him a puppet that people are quick to throw away. Family, bosses, friends. In fact, his “threads” are stretched so thin that they have already begun to break: Your young neighbor has already had his first heart attack.

Every day when you see him leave his beautiful bonsai tree, you wonder why he does not go on his own with the same commitment and love. Being good at yourself is one thing your neighbor needs to learn. Maybe he has relationships to nurture, self-esteem to feed and dignity to be found again.

Being good at oneself, a matter of logic and necessity

Epictetus said that “just like when we walk, we do not try to step on a nail or twist an ankle. In life, we need to be mindful. “That is, we should prevent others from harming ourselves, and we should protect ourselves. But sometimes we do not. We neglect ourselves. We forget that it is not healthy to stop being kind to ourselves and instead put everyone else first.

In fact, we overlook the fact that it is not logical to try to please everyone by postponing our own needs. Not advisable. Letting our lives go by by feeling uncomfortable about certain things – the feeling of emptiness, indecision and frustration – has a price.

Remember that what is cared for thrives. That which is protected and nourished bears fruit. Thus, we should also consider that there are moments when it is necessary to leave our emotions and return to the cause. Separating what we feel and remembering that what we need should be a priority.

Being good at yourself is about acknowledging that you are not happy

It is true that emotional intelligence is popular now. However, there are very specific moments where the most logical and rational mindset is the one that works best. The reason? It is this type of mental focus that most people force us to make changes in and thereby make our lives better.

Erich Fromm said that people have the ability to live in a constant contradiction. This sometimes makes us say that if others are happy, I am happy. That if I tell such a person that I am well when he is well, even if it is not true, he will accept me and I will be happy.

Such dualities are destructive. They are emotionally expensive because meaning and reason should prevail instead. If you do not like something, move away from it. If you do not agree, say so. Are you hurt? Defend yourself. Are you unhappy? Act differently.

This is how you are good at yourself

Being good at oneself starts with a sense of balance. It is not a matter of always putting oneself first, no matter the situation. Healthier well-being does not come from narcissism. It comes from understanding that in order to “be” one must also “not be”.

To do this, reflect on the following dimensions. We need to internalize them in order to make them an integral part of our lives.

• Self-confidence. Believing in our own strengths will enable us to be better decision makers. Then we can go ahead and know who is good for our well-being and who is not, what we need at all times and how we can get it.
• Learn to rationalize your thoughts. When we stop being kind to ourselves, it is almost always because of our exhausting, critical internal dialogue. It prevents us from growing. So let’s learn to remove fear and stop being our own enemies.
• Be friends with life. Instead of being “friends with everyone,” let’s be friends with life. Be receptive to opportunities, optimism, a sense of freedom. Not for complacency and dependence on others.

• Discover the potential that is in you. When we discover our strengths and utilize our abilities and talents, everything falls into place. We begin to feel brave enough to do things without being dependent on others. Things that are rewarding.

Finally, keep in mind that when a person feels comfortable, their environment and circumstances begin to matter less. Inside, there is so much energy, confidence and optimism that nothing can stop them. Do not waste the treasure you carry inside.