What You Deny Demands You, What You Accept Transforms You

Many people who come into my office want them to transform. Especially their situations of permanent discomfort, unrest and unhappiness. But without making a real change in itself. Much of the initial resistance to psychotherapy that these people have present has a lot to do with their fear of accepting what is really going on in their lives. Funny enough, because most of the correct changes take place because the individual has recognized their starting point.

Too many people overestimate what they are not and underestimate what they really are. Part of their pain is produced by the way they assess themselves.  At the same time, these people believe that the pain they are experiencing can make them receptive and warlike people.

The interpretations associated with our emotional reactions are the ones that make us suffer and fall into conflict with ourselves . Ultimately, we are the cause – or at least ” accomplice ” – in our own self-harm.

Choosing to adopt a resistance stance will in many cases hinder your progress and your transformation. It keeps you from understanding that the cause of your disorder has nothing to do with that stimulus. Instead, it’s about the relationship you have with this stimulus. People who resist change just hope that their problems will get better. That they will do it on their own in the future, without assuming a proactive attitude. They expect to be compensated in some way, without changing any of the behaviors that actually caused the problem.

Happiness can only exist in acceptance. When you accept something, it transforms you.

Peace comes from within, do not seek it in the external world

Many of the patients who come into the office think the same. That the source of their complaints can be found in external factors, making them difficult to control. Moreover, a large part of their desperation emerges and is maintained, due to an excessive fixation in an unjust situation. One that they have no control over.

When we are not able to regulate our own mood, we easily move on to blame others, for our emotional discomfort . By focusing on others, we place control of our emotions in the hands of others.

As for their essence, no one would consciously and voluntarily leave control of their emotions to another. But we crumble every time someone does not meet the expectations we had about them . Teaching people to deal with pressure and frustration is a fundamental aspect of an individual’s mental dynamics. This task begins by getting the patient to accept their situation and also their ability to intervene in it.

Internal changes that transform you, ahead of external changes

When our beliefs or circumstances collide with other people’s that differ from our way of looking at things, we tend to develop a recurring psychological discomfort . Starting a process of personal change will help us focus on ourselves and keep ourselves from making ourselves victims. In addition, it will prevent indignation and termination.

Being honest with ourselves can be painful at first, but in the medium term it is very liberating. It allows us to confront the truth about who we are and how we interact with our inner world . We are truly the only ones who are able to disrupt ourselves and do what it takes to transform us.

We are the only ones with the power to harm ourselves. Despite having liberated our own minds, this personal illusory war causes us a set of emotional burdens. Among them are guilt, anger, rage, hatred, punishment and the desire for revenge. All of these emotions are the ones that lead us to therapy, sometimes disguised as conflicts with others.

These feelings are the result of having interpreted the facts and feelings of the past, in an excessively external way. The problem arises when these past facts condition our relationship in the present. It poses a problem when it keeps us from moving forward. Remember : Only when you accept the past will you be able to live in the present and experience how you transform yourself.

“Do not let the things you cannot do interfere with what you are capable of doing.”
– John Wooden –