Youth – 7 Tips For Parents With Rebellious Teenagers

Youth is an important stage in a person’s growth, and it is the foundation of our identity. Many families usually do not accept – or do so reluctantly – a teenager’s process of becoming independent. They still consider their children to be just children. This behavior can lead to rebellious teens.

Teenagers tend to believe that they are capable of a lot and have initiative. They set this “family break” in motion. This is an inevitable stop on the road to independence or autonomy (Lamas 2007). Sometimes, though, this road is filled with bumps. The desire for independence can turn into rebellion and lead to rebellious teenagers.

It is in this context that most conflicts between young people and their families begin . In these years, young people often accuse their family members of their discomfort. They become frustrated and have difficulty relating intelligently to other people.

Therefore, it is important that the family helps the teenager to find their place in life. They should help the teenager find effective strategies that enable him or her to improve their relationship with the outside world. Sometimes adults forget that in adolescence one still retains many of one’s childish qualities, while trying to interact in increasingly complex contexts. But we can not treat them like children, and that is exactly what the problem is.

Accompany your child

The interest in exploring strategies independently is what makes the young person behave strangely. They are trying to find their place in a world that is slowly beginning to open up to them. Do not forget that at this age they still need to figure out how to interact in external environments. They will often feel lost, but they will also not ask for help because it would compromise the independence they are trying so hard to achieve.

Children can adopt family strategies and become “prefabricated” young people, or they can abruptly break away from what they have learned and search for their own identity . Accompanying them in this process is essential for them to be able to take these steps from childhood to adulthood. If the family is not willing to participate in this process, it will not be long before rebellious tendencies are discovered in the teens, also known as rebellious teens.

“There are no problematic teenagers; they are simply children who grew up with suffering ”

The family structure and adolescence of rebellious teenagers

To demonstrate the influence of family structure on the origin and continuation of problems in adolescence, we often use Fishman’s description of rebellious youth (Lamas 2007) . Rebellious or rebellious teenagers grow up in a family structure marked by porous boundaries and divisions. This is evident in families where family members are closely linked.

In this type of family, everyone knows everyone. Porous personal boundaries often mean that these families follow outside advice. The low hierarchy that characterizes these family structures makes the problem worse and the children become strong members within the family.

Sometimes the teen responds to frustrations with excessive anger and establishes relationships with their peers and partners that are full of passion, intense infatuation, jealousy, and relationship breakup followed by spectacular reconciliations . This intolerance of frustration can provoke rebellious, confrontational and rebellious teenagers.

In several learning theories, especially behavioral learning, we see that the best way to educate healthy and functional young people is a childhood where there are achievements, but also challenges and frustrations. If we never let our children get frustrated by not reaching certain goals, we will educate selfish monsters. They will believe that they have the right to have everything, just because of who they are. This can sometimes create rebellious teens.

More is not better

This form of custody is increasingly occurring in the nuclear families . We believe that if we let our children have everything, then it means we are better parents, but nothing could be further from the truth. If we raise children in a culture where we do everything for them, then when they reach the youth, they do not understand the new demands we make on them, and can therefore become problematic young people and tyrants.

“Young people have always had the same problem; how to be rebellious and adapt at the same time ”

–Quentin Crisp–

Creating bonds with your children

The purpose of this part of the article along with the 7 tips we will give you is not to offer you any kind of “expert advice” . Rather, it is to encourage parents to connect and find a way to bond with their children and teens. Not all tips apply to the same family or the same teenager, nor do they apply to the same teenager and family all the time. Therefore, you should consider the best ways you can apply these tips in your individual situation.

First, if we have a positive relationship with our young son or daughter, it will be easier to have a positive influence on them. This impact can also be negative if we do not perform it properly. Also, keep in mind that if you do not have this type of relationship, it is never too late to try to create it. To do this, it is important that we know our child’s characteristics and interests. This is how we can create bonds with them. To put it simply , we need to go into their world, and then we need to understand how this world works.

7 tips to help you

Let’s look at these 7 general ideas that can help us deal with rebellious and rebellious teenagers:

• Establish boundaries. Living together in a family requires rules that must be respected. It is also important that our child knows what the consequences of not complying with these rules are.
• Invest time and energy to improve how we raise our children. If we do this, the chances of resolving any problematic situations increase significantly.
• Be firm in making decisions and make sure that you practice what you preach. We must be an example and give them the opportunity to follow.
• Avoid comparisons. Constantly comparing them to their siblings or friends can damage their self-concept and make them defiant because of it.
• Avoid unnecessary pressure. Teenagers need to have their own goals. Adults must accompany them in their choices, but we must not put pressure on them to meet goals that we could not when we were young.

• Accept that our children are not perfect. If our child makes a mistake, they should accept the consequences, even if it will hurt us and we will feel the duty to protect them.
• Be honest with them. Sincerity is a tool that we do not usually use very much towards children. Family relationships are so hierarchical that we sometimes ignore some of the most effective techniques for approaching teens.

Just be with your teen

To conclude, young people are almost simultaneously suspicious and naive, hopeful and apathetic, communicative and closed, cautious and risk-takers. Many teenagers are a pure contrast with rich nuances – that’s why they confuse us so much.

Most of them are concerned about their social reputation. They either show this directly or try to make it clear that they do not care what others think. They greatly appreciate our help, but what they value most is our confidence and ability to make mistakes. If we take all of this into account, it is not that important to understand them or worry about them. It’s more important just to be there for them.

In adolescence, children seem to be so difficult to teach, but if you do well, your lessons will last a lifetime.

Bibliographic references

Barkley, RA, & Benton, CM (2000). Your Defiant Teen: 10 Tips to Resolve Conflict and Build a Better Relationship with Your Child (Vol. 48). Planet Group (GBS).

Céspedes, A. (2007). Children with Tantrums, defiant teenagers. How to best manage behavior disorders in children (5th ed.). Santiago de Chile: Unlimited SA.

González Barrón, R., Montoya Castilla, I., Casullo, MM, & Bernabéu Verdú, J. (2002). Relationship Between Styles and Strategies for Psychological Well-being in Adolescents. Psicothema, 14 (2).

Lamas, C. (2007). Understanding Problematic Adolescence. Revista Redes, 18, 63-85.

Quiroga, S., Paradiso, L., Cryan, G., Auguste, L., & Zaga, D. (2004). A Therapeutic Approach for Pre-Teens with Problematic Behavior: Challenging Negativist Disorder and Dissocial Disorder. In the 11th Research Conference. School of Psychology, University of Buenos Aires.

Quiroga, SE, & Cryan, G. (2007). Manifestations of Violence in High-risk Adolescents. The 14th Research Conference and Third Meeting of Researchers in Psychology of Mercosur, School of Psychology, University of Buenos Aires.

Rizo Ruiz, AB (2014). Cognitive-behavioral Intervention in a Case of Defiant Negativist Disorder in a Teenager. Journal of Clinical Psychology with Children and Adolescents.

Selekman, M. (1996). Open Roads for Change: Brief Therapy Solutions for Adolescents with Problems. Editorial GEDISA.